


The Stars, and You

by gowonnieminaj



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, LOONA being rlly supportive, Light Angst, POV Second Person, Sooyoung-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 19:34:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16771486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gowonnieminaj/pseuds/gowonnieminaj
Summary: Even when things don't seem to go well for Sooyoung, someone's still there to help her pick up the pieces.And Sooyoung is forever grateful.





	The Stars, and You

**Author's Note:**

> Slight TW for implied self-loathing
> 
> I felt inspired by this particular [tweet](https://twitter.com/hyecula/status/1008626781434179584?s=19)  
> (thank you for your hard work ryuie/hyecula! Us intl fans are forever grateful for your translations uwu)

The first time you met her, you didn’t pay much attention. Sure, you had been enraptured by her physical beauty, but that was it. You had no intentions of getting too close to anyone in the group, especially to this seemingly angelic and soft spoken girl, as girls like her are absolutely your weak spot. So you acted civil and coy. Just like you’ve always been. You’re not ready to be potentially outed due to recklessness and the inability of keeping to yourself. 

It would not only be devastating for LOONA, but especially for yourself. You can’t stand the thought of ever being broken into pieces.

-

Your interactions with her, were for lack of a better word, awkward; as expected. It's always like that between new people, especially with the air of personas lingering. It doesn’t help that many of the girls had been sectioned off to different subunits and had gotten the chance to get to know the others more. On top of that, you have to act professional, to appease the fans and provide a sense of positivity and appearance to make the media see you as appealing. It hurts, having to conceal a lot. 

But the girls at your new idol group seem to genuinely be nice and caring. And in your mind, maybe, just maybe, you'll feel at home in this group for the first time in a while.

-

It only takes you a few heart to heart moments after your solo debut did you start to value the girls around you even more. Especially the girl you had initially wanted to avoid at all costs. You had heard that she dropped out of high school to focus on her idol career, in which, you honestly found baffling. 

The girl happens to sleep on top of your bunk, and when you heard her silently weeping, did you finally understand what her smiles with crestfallen eyes had meant. 

Maybe your instincts came out, but you surely wouldn't have done this in any other situation, but you did anyways. You climbed up her side of the bunk bed and pulled her in on a hug. 

You felt her visibly shake, and then, you finally hear her voice. Sniffing and whimpering and wailing. You tuck her in closer and whisper to her sweet sincerities.

You slept on her side of the bed that night. 

A flower blooming in your chest.

-

LOONA debuts as a group of 12. By this point, the group is a full on family. You're still somewhat reluctant, but you've made a lot of progress, especially with that petite girl. You watch on as the girls around you socialize and laugh backstage before a stage performance. You look back to the time when everyone had been nothing but quiet. It makes you smile, how far everyone had come. 

Jiwoo comes up to you and gives you a pat on the back. She tells you to loosen up and enjoy the stage. 

You find the cute, bubbly girl nice. She had been one of the first friends you had made in LOONA. Her ever alluring and overflowing positivity undeniably charming. 

Which leads you to expressing the fact that you’re gay, and possibly crushing on a short, younger blonde. Jiwoo is accepting, unsurprisingly, and roots for your success. 

After some more chit chatting, she tells you that she'll be back and Jiwoo makes her way to the loveseat, sitting beside Jungeun who has a playful scowl on her face.

The girl of your interests takes this opportunity to approach you. The tiny blonde comes up to you and asks if you're alright.

Ever since that night many months ago, you two had become closer than before. In fact, you two are attached to the hip by this point. You tell her almost everything (as you can never tell her about your budding feelings, you find that simply ludicrous), and she’s always there to listen, and vice versa. Sometimes you think you don't deserve her. But she's there to constantly remind you that she needs you as well. It warms your heart, but you find yourself helplessly hoping for what you find the impossible.

You mustered up the biggest smile you could and told her you were well, however she saw through your bluff and decides to kiss your cheek to help you feel better.

A usual motion of friendship. 

You're over the moon, but the action overall caused the opposite effect the younger girl had wanted to give.

You feel your hands slightly tremble.

You don't think you'll ever get used to her.

-

Then days and days pass by. You've noticed BBC tends to give you more gigs, especially compared to your other members. 

It made you tired. In fact, the clear favouritism BBC had started to affect the group as a whole and ultimately tenses the members up for part and promotion assigning.

And yet, despite the ups and downs, the group still stays diligent and supportive. It's a blessing, you think, to be in such a heartwarming and amazing group of girls. 

During those sleepless nights, and during those stressful and lonely and miserable nights, your beloved blonde friend still kept you company. Still gave you support and love, despite herself being tired. 

You start to feel inadequate due to what you think is the feeling of underperforming and not giving enough, and ultimately feeling useless because you think you've been nothing but annoying. You think you're not deserving of their undying support and positivity. Especially your best friend's.

Because of that feeling and immense self loathing, you started skipping meals. Started sleeping less. Started overworking yourself in the BBC dance room. Started doubting your position in the group.

It hurts. 

And yet, you still think its for the better. 

You have to improve, no matter what it takes.

You can’t let her know anything either.

-

During a practice session, you feel yourself physically unable to move, adding to the fact that your lungs prevent you from breathing properly.

Staffers and your fellow members worry about your poor condition, but you brush of their concerns and continue to practice. 

That is, until you feel yourself drop to the floor and black out. 

-

You don't remember what happened exactly during that practice session, but you wake up to the scene of a hospital room. An IV dropper connected to your body.

There are many gifts on your bedside table. Cards, food, snacks, plush toys, flowers, balloons. You feel your heart swell up, and tears forming in your bloodshot red eyes. 

And then you see it. 

She has her head laid down on your bed. You reach your hand to touch her, and you end up feeling the wet patches all over her arms and the bed. 

You gasp.

She wakes up.

And you swear, your heart leaps out and leaves your throat.

“Sooyoung.”

“Chaewon.”

She stares at you. She stares at you, hard. 

Then she starts crying. 

The hardest you've ever seen her cry. 

“Oh my god, Sooyoung you’re awake.”

She sobs and sobs and sobs. She's shaking, shivering, her makeup and hair disheveled. You notice she looks even more burnt out than you were at the current moment.

“I didn't notice you were doing that to yourself and I didn't pick up on how much you've been suffering. Sooyoung, I'm sorry, I'm a bad best friend.”

She stands up and paces around the room as she continues to catch her breath. You honestly don't know what to do other than letting her continue. 

“Why didn't I notice? God, Sooyoung, what were you doing? I don't know what I would do if you suddenly just, disappeared.”

Your eyes start to itch, and before you know it, you're crying too. She sees you and panic immediately paints her face.

She wraps her body around you and you feel like you're about to burst. Her hug becomes tighter and tighter until you can't breathe anymore. You don't mind, though. You would never. 

“You're enough, Sooyoung. Don’t forget that. Please.”

-

A sprained ankle and a bruised torso makes you stay at the hospital. Everyone visits you. They give you well wishes, they give you comfort. They give you more than you'd ever wish for. 

Chaewon keeps you company during your last day. She stays by your side, feeding you even though you're physically able to feed yourself (“Sooyoungie, I don’t want you forcing yourself to sit up.” She takes the spoonful of porridge into your mouth with a smile on her face). It's endearing you think. All the while, Chaewon goes off on how everyone is excited to have you back at home.

It's the night of your discharge, and you're both at the rooftop of the hospital. Waiting for a BBC staffer to pick you up.

“Sooyoungie?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you… feeling any better?” Chaewon whispers. As if the question itself was a lethal bullet to the heart. And maybe it is, but you don't feel it. 

You look up at the sky, white dots of varying sizes adorning the pitch black sky. It's a nice view. And under these twinkling stars, illuminates the most beautiful girl you've ever seen. 

Your heart swells with joy and love, and yet, you still feel incomplete. Yearning for something you can't seem to taste. 

“I'm not sure yet. But I’m here with you.” You give her the best ‘thank you’ eyes you can muster.

She smiles at you. A smile you’ve never seen on her face before. However, you don't get to revel on it for too long, as Chaewon’s phone goes off, signaling that a driver had arrived. 

The both of you go down, fingers brushing. 

You wish you could take her hand in yours.

-

By the time you hit your bed, a wave of exhaustion immediately hits you.

Chaewon hadn’t been kidding when she had told you every single LOONA girl would be glad to take you in their arms.

(“Take care of yourself, please?” Jiwoo whispers into your ear. Meanwhile, Hyejoo and Jinsoul cry over the hem of your shirt, while the younger girls give you endless pepper kisses. 

In the background, Haseul, Junguen and Gaahei try to recreate your mother's tteokbokki recipe. “We’re providing you motherly love through food.”)

You're grateful. Oh so grateful to be in such a loving and supportive environment.

You hear shuffling coming from the top of your bunk, and before you know it, a tiny blonde looks at you expectantly. A certain spark in her eyes.

“Sooyoungie... can I sleep with you tonight?” You tug at her pineapple pyjamas and she takes the cue to lay beside you on the bed. 

You feel your heart immediately pick itself up to run a mile a minute. Beating and beating and beating and beating. You think you'll never get used to the rhythmic beating of your heart.

Chaewon snuggles up to you and takes your hand in hers. You're taken a back, but you don't say anything. You don’t want to ruin this moment (even if you yearn for more.

You're always yearning, you notice).

She runs her thumb over the back of your hand and it feels like your childhood home. Warm and welcoming and loving. A sudden thought of a family with her passes through your mind just as fast as you push it down. 

You feel your breath hitch from the thought, and as if on cue, Chaewon moves closer and rests her head on your shoulder. You can feel her breath touching your ears at this point. It's warm, so, so warm. 

“Sooyoung, look at me.” Chaewon tells you softly. She continues to draw circles on your hand. She continues to pull you closer. 

She continues to catch you time and time again.

You swallow your fears and look at her straight on.

She's looking at you with an emotion you can't quite tell. It makes your heart soar. 

“We're here so please don't doubt yourself. You're amazing the way you are.” The smile she had given you earlier is back. And this time, you have the pleasure of basking in her warmth. 

“We love you, Sooyoung. I love you.”

Your face burns and you feel something wet leaving your eyes, but feeling her sweet embrace and her lips on your temple lets you forget that fact. She makes you feel safe, she really does. 

The beating in your heart becomes stronger. You can't take it anymore. The aching hurts too much.

You take a hold of her cheeks and you kiss her. A kiss that yearns for her in your future.

Sweet from her pineapple chapstick, salty from your freshly shed tears. You think it's a perfect combination. 

Shortly, however, you realize what you’re doing. 

You're kissing the girl you need the most (who you certainly cannot lose) while you don't even know if she’s okay with it. 

You pull away, and you instead glance away to look at the sheets of your bed. Tears still streaming down your face. Your cheeks sting from the sudden impact of reality. 

“I'm sorry Chaewon. I'm so, sorry.” You plead. You choke out a whimper, and your heart is choking you tightly. You wonder how the other girl must feel. Suddenly being bombarded by her best friend like that. The person that she trusted suddenly going behind her back.

Your heart hurts even more for her. You wish a hole could just swallow you up and never spit you out. You wish a boulder would just come crashing down on you and whisk you away.

You wish you can beat yourself up right now.

You wish you would just disappear. 

You're basically wailing at this point. Thoughts of self loathing flowing back inside like a flood.

The tears don't stop falling. They continue to fall. Trickling intensely like a waterfall. 

A thumb cups your face and wipes your tears away. A warm, caring body embraces you and soothes your loud cries. 

And you feel her shaking too.

“Sooyoung, please stop crying. I'm here. Please.” Chaewon tells you, her voice filled with vigour, albeit faltering a bit. 

She moves closer to your face, and she glances down at your lips. 

Chaewon closes the gap. Her warmth spreading all over your body. 

“What did I tell you earlier? I love you.

And I hope you love yourself too.”

-

“Sooyoungie. Look outside. The stars are twinkling tonight!”

“Would you look at that, it is.”

You take her hands in yours and whisper into her ear softly.

“I've always thought you’re the most beautiful when you’re shining like that.”

Something about the way she wraps her arms around your neck and the way she kisses you with the taste of her chapstick lingering in the air makes you think that

Maybe

You'll be alright. 

You're good enough, Ha Sooyoung.

**Author's Note:**

> Ayuh, I'm not exactly sure if this is good enough (since i think the beginning is a little iffy, and the ending is lackluster in content? I just don't have faith in my writing abilities tbh djskssjks)
> 
> I enjoyed writing this during my v long flight though! And i hope you guys enjoyed reading this little fic too...!
> 
> I wrote a HyeWon roommates fic and a Viseul fic while on the plane too but i haven't finished those ones yet... So i guess we'll meet again? uwu
> 
> Hope y'all have a great day!


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